I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize