she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
