who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i came on her dog
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
