Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
