I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
