SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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