He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
