even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
