ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
