My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
