turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
