I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
