3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well you can't waste a boner
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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