Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
