Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize