We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm like, not good at living.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
