Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
