Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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