Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
