READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she told me i tasted like america
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
