Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
