I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
