I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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