what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
