he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
