Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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