i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
