And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
