I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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