Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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