guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
