Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
two words...techno handjob
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
