I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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