If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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