Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
