Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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