After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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