I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
