Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
