It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
