Soap is not a condiment
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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