He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
