You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
