i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
