Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
