Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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