is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
