it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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