I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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