why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
