I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
