my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So apparently I’m into choking now
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