That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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