Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
