I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
