Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
