Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
