Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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