Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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