so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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