The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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