bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I still have a little drunk in my system
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
