Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
