I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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