apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
