my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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